Thursday, September 4, 2008

The beginning

Dinner tonight with my queer gal pal Bubba and her Lady Lawyer Love, and we're talking shop. Bubba is being stalked, Lady Lawyer is redrafting an article for a legal journal, and I'm advising as how she might appropriately haze some fresh-outta-school, top-of-his-class boy lawyer who has joined her firm.

We're in a little Irish pub where we've come specifically for the fried chicken and mashed potatoes. I'm polishing off a Guinness, and both of the other girls are drinking pints of a chocolate stout. We are eating the same thing, drinking dark and heavy beers, and we're all bleary-eyed. Dead tired, we are.

Suddenly, Bubba breaks in to the conversation: "Oh, look, there she is!" She points to the TV above the bar. "That Sarah Palin is fucking HOT!"

I spin in my seat, looking over my shoulder at the TV. My first glimpse of her. It only lasts a second.

"Isn't she fucking HOT?" Bubba asks.

"She was the woman they just showed?" I ask, double-checking. "The one who looked like a, ... a librarian?"

Bubba nods, an enthusiastic grin on her face. "Uh, huh! Like a librarian! Whoa, baby, that woman is steaming hot. If she were a Democrat, lesbians would be all over her!"

"With a tight little number like that," I reply, "seems like Lesbians should be on her no matter what. I mean, please: Obama is smart and good looking, but any lesbian in her right mind will be tuning into the vice presidential debates to get an eyeful of that tarty little librarian. Please..."

"I don't know," Lady Lawyer says. "She's kinda whiney sounding. She whines. And it's a whiney whine."

"But you gotta admit that she's freaking HOT," Bubba says. (This to her own lovely girlfriend, by the way.)

Lady Lawyer shrugs. "Yeah, she's cute. But she's still whiney."

Lady Lawyer then excuses herself for a trip to the loo, leaving Bubba and I to our estrogen-inflamed passion for the uptight quirky little Republican nominee for Vice President.

For the record, she once was a Miss Alaska beauty pageant participant, as this photo I hitched from Google images shows.

Bubba and I decided right then that we would start this website advocating that our lesbian sisters nationwide turn out in DROVES at all presidential campaign pit stops where Sarah Palin appears. Arrive with large signs openly proclaiming, "Lesbians For Sarah Palin." Let's be out and proud about it, my sisters!

We wanted Hillary, this is true. We were enchanted by her pantsuit collection and its perfect imitation of corporate lesbian power suits. We also preferred her politics, what with her actually GIVING A SHIT about a woman's right to decide what happens in her reproductive system (even with Chelsea having made it through adolescence without getting pregnant). We also liked just about every other damn thing Hillary stood for, minus her support of the war.

But Hillary simply lacks the complete and utter BABE factor that Sarah Palin has, what with her prim little bun and glasses counterbalanced by those lush and shiny lips. Heaven knows, she's utterly delicious compared to plastic-looking Cindy McCain in every respect. (To be sure, Michelle Obama is a pretty sweet looking lady; no intention to dis her here.)

But here's the catch: Palin does HOT DYKE better than any woman associated with the campaign. In the Bush campaigns, we had a decidedly NOT-Hot dyke in Karen Hughes. (Pictured as something of a sour-puss in the photo below.)

Yes, that is the look of an unhappy oft-mistaken-for-a-NOT-hot dyke right there. Just so we can tell the difference.

Because what you see below says what any lesbian needs to know about Sarah Palin. God bless her, and God bless these United States of America that we could have such a woman as Vice President. How yummy is that?

Therefore, Bubba and I are requesting that our Lesbian and Bi Sisters unite in our cause to bring awareness -- among queers and straights nationwide -- of the incredible attraction Sarah Palin holds for so many queer women.

Let's show her all the lesbian love we can muster in this campaign. (And be very, very visible with it girls.)

But let's NOT A SINGLE DAMN ONE of us vote for her.

'Cause to vote for her? That would be a SICK KIND OF LOVE, and as we all know, ours is not a sick love.


Andy said...

I love your site! I will be telling all my friends about it.

Whirling Dervish said...

All right, i'm in...but she's a nasty woman, politically- let me just get that on record. The war is a "mission from god"--remember that line? :)