Tuesday, September 9, 2008

Calling all 'Hockey Dykes' & other supporters

Bubba reminded me the other night that Lesbians For Sarah Palin needs to reach out to the right audience if we're going to get this little political action-performance art of ours to come to life in other cities than our own. Now that this blog is starting to be read across the country -- thanks mainly to readers who are forwarding the link to this blog and to those who have linked to it on their own websites (thanks!) -- it seems a good time to begin organizing.

But first, let's talk Hockey Dykes. Bubba suggested that "Hockey Lesbians" would be an appropriately adoring group of fans to attend Sarah Palin rallies bearing signs proclaiming the likes of "Hockey Dykes Love Sarah Palin," (sometimes with just the "heart" symbol in lieu of the word "love"). There are several reasons Hockey Dykes would be helpful in our cause:

No. 1 would be that, particularly in those queer-fear "red" states of the Midwest (and hello, Idaho!), it might take an especially tough girl to stand in a crowd of Republicans with her "Lesbians for Sarah Palin" sign. Seems a woman with a "Hockey Dyke for Sarah Palin" sign has a slightly smaller chance of being messed with by your average Republican nutbag. Not even crazy people want to pick fights with women who play hockey.

No. 2 would to highlight the fact that not only is Sarah Palin a "Hockey Mom," she also has a certain appeal to queer women who play hockey. One would reasonably have to wonder what that might be, of course. To that, all we can say is: Well, she's pretty goddamn hot!

I liked Bubba's idea, so I did a little research. Spent a while trawling around the Internet, looking for connections to spur local organizing in communities where the Palin-McCain campaign is making "public" appearances. I gotta say it wasn't easy. In fact, my search indicates that most, if not all, lesbian ice hockey teams are in Canada. I know what that says to me. What does it say to you? (For the record, this is what Canadian Hockey Dykes supposedly look like.)

So while we're still on the look for any and all lesbian hockey players who would like to join in the political mockery that is Lesbians For Sarah Palin, I'm thinking we'll have to expand that to include field hockey players, as well. That would actually help us pick up more sisters in the South anyway, where ice hockey is about as popular as Dennis Kucinich at a Klan rally.

Truth is that no matter what kind of lesbian you are, Lesbians For Sarah Palin welcomes you. Jewish Lesbians for Sarah Palin, Chicana Dykes for Sarah Palin, Geriatric Gay Ladies For Sarah Palin, Bisexuals for Sarah Palin, Bois for Sarah Palin -- all are welcome here (unlike so many other things associated with Republicans.)

(By the way, this site has absolutely NOTHING to do with the Log Cabin Republicans. And we intend to stay that way. If they send us a donation, rest assured we will return it. And no matter how much Pat Buchanan begs, he *cannot* be an honorary Lesbian For Sarah Palin. We have standards.)

So WHAT, exactly, are we asking you to do? Simple!

Our aim is to GREET SARAH PALIN on public campaign stops she makes to cities nationwide by waving posters or other types of signs proclaiming some variation of "Lesbians For Sarah Palin."

How? Well, that part is going to be up to local groups. The first step is to watch the websites of your state or local Republican Party. The "news" or "events" links on those sites often have information about upcoming campaign rallies at which the Palin-McCain campaign will make appearances.

Unless it's a completely public event, such as in a large city park, you can't really expect to be let into the rallies, particularly if you're carrying posters with the aforementioned verbiage. No matter what they say, Republicans are not fans of the First Amendment and will do whatever they can to stop you from disrupting their events with, well, ANY humor whatsoever, much less one that touches their wankers with equal parts "lesbians" and "Sarah Palin."

Fear of laughter and/or unwanted erections are two of the four pillars of the Republican Party platform. I think we all know this by now. That said, if you happen to find your way past the gates and walk into the Eyes Wide Shut-ness of the whole freaky Republicans-behind-closed-doors scene, don't hold us accountable for what you witness there. Consult a counselor if symptoms persist for six months or more, as you might have PTSD.

Difficulty getting into rallies may leave you on city streets outside the venue, along with other fans of Sarah Palin and various protesters. This is OK. Just keep your eyes open for signs of the local media, who usually do a sweep for "local color" at political events. At the sight of any limousine, Suburban or Hummer on the road, wave your signs with abandon and joyfully shout, "We love you, Sarah!" or whatever comes to you. Be spontaneous. It is art, after all!

When you catch the attention of the local media -- which, let's face it, "Lesbians For Sarah Palin" will draw at least one curious reporter -- let them know exactly why you're showing your love. "It's because she's hot," is pretty much all you need to say.

But if you want to get into a deeper political dialogue with the media -- let's face it, there's not much point in that -- go ahead and add one of the finer points on this political year when it comes to Palin-McCain '08, which is:

If John McCain actually wanted someone with capabilities and experience, he would have chosen the likes of Sen. Kay Bailey Hutchinson of Texas. Unfortunately, she looks like this and also supports a woman's right to choose whether or not she reproduces. Which, as we are all well aware, is not the same as the sizzling little hot pocket he selected, Sarah Palin.

As average men and women are noting far and wide across this fair land, Sarah Palin's main appeal is her appearance. "Take off those glasses," one politically progressive man told me at a party last weekend, "and she'd be scorching. But then, with the glasses, she's got that librarian thing going on. And what guy doesn't want to do a librarian? She'll get the votes just for that."

In this celebrity culture (and in her pink dress), Sarah Palin is the perfect star of the moment. She's photogenic, lithe and long-haired (often in that fashionably tossed bun) and at 44, she's relatively young by political standards. Even though she was mayor of her small town and has been governor of Alaska for two years, she's essentially come out of nowhere, much like Paris Hilton and the all-star cast that was on Survivor last season. Pretty heads, pretty bodies. Very little substance on the whole, but what we learn bit-by-bit would scare the shit out of us if we thought it was a real person actually doing a real thing. (Rather than just being, say, Britney Spears backing over paparazzi at a gas station.)

Sarah Palin, however, is a real person who could potentially be doing real things to our country. Lesbians For Sarah Palin simply seek to recognize her for what she is: One more beautiful face. As lesbians, unlike many heterosexual men who feel bound to public silence in the face of political correctness or fear of their wives, we are in the position to make this observation. If anyone should feel free both to point out objectification of women and take part in it, I say let it be the lesbians.

She's hot. So we'll tote our signs out to rallies and show our affection. But we sure as hell wouldn't vote for her. Bubba wants me to remind you all of that more often: Fantasize. (Imagine a little girl-on-girl action with the Commander-in-Chief amongst the stacks of the Library of Congress -- phew!) But don't vote for her.

1 comment:

Whirling Dervish said...

I'd love to see a readership ticker and/or map of your readership/membership--it would help motivate us all!